The Saga of Retail Delusion

A couple of years ago I lost my very profitable job that I held for over 12 years. I was really good at it. Everything got done quickly and acurrately for the most part. I was the only person responsible for 6 ecommerce sites and all the data and details that encompassed. There were 3-4 customer service people. 3-6 pickers and packers. But as far as actually running and maintain the websites that were solely responsible for generating the sales that kept all those other people employed, yea, it was just me. I was also responsible for some aspects of marketing and most of the SEO. Yup, a brilliant business plan indeed.

I was just thankful if lasted as long as it did. I consider myself both very lucky and a little bit clever for having managed so nicely for so long.

When I first came to work there it was a complete and utter disaster. Edge of bankruptcy.

It took a few tries, but eventually we hit upon some winning websites.

To be continued….


Mental Episiotomies

I like the idea of foreign movies and instant pudding. They’re both so shallow, yet fulfilling. No one who likes foreign movies really knows why. They just want to be artsy and highbrow.

It makes me wonder about American movies in other countries. How retarded we must seem when judged by our cinema.

Does France have this same artsy fartsy foreign movies mindset that we do? Are Belgian movies the high end cinema of Paris?

Cause I’ve watched lots of French movies and found myself trying to the unravel the mysterious behind the seeminly empty plot. I never do that with American films. Because those can almost always be taken at face value.

In every country there are foreign movies. Yet in the US foreign movies seem to carry an impotance and weight. Probably because we know our domestic fare is so empty.

But Norwegian films. That’s where I draw the line. They simply go on and on and make no sense at all. At least not for people who are accustomed to using far less vowels when speaking.

I think the end of the world has been adn gone. We’re just ghosts. Unaware of our own obsolescence.

Mere Survival

Someone I used to know got me to thinking about the wilderness and this whole trend toward subsistance living. There are some shows about it on Discovery and NatGeo. People in Alaska and the Arctic Circle living almost entirely off the bounty of the land. They’ve pretty much shunned our modern world and instead have chosen to live a simpler life.

On the one hand I totally get it. Mass production of meat and food is vile, unclean and morally offensive. They raise their own animals and hunt their meat in the wild. It must be impossible to get a nice salad.

On the other hand it’s so darn cold and remote. You’re not just a hunter. You’re just as much the hunted as well. There are very large predators up there. There must be a certain humility to thinking of oneself as the prey. It’s an interesting perspective for a species all too accustomed to being on the top of the food cahin. But the internet up there probably isn’t so great. I guess they’re too busy surviving to really notice.

Not that we’re not very busy surviving down here in the regular world. Everyone is always surviving. Seldom actually living. I always thought the one good thing about being human was we had the luxury of more than mere survival. Turns out, not so much. Life is tough in these United States. It’s a wonder any of us survive at all.

Memorial Day Thanks

Memorial Day was fun for all around here. There was great food and nice weather (finally) and festive fireworks. Flags were flying and hot dogs were a grilling aplenty. I’m not really a hot dog person, unless they are of the meatless variety, but they still grill up just as nicely and love sauerkraut and ketchup just as much.

My favorite part of summer is the grilling and the fireworks. Down on the shore we’re big on the fireworks. Any excuse to set em off. Fourth of July… time for fireworks! Friday nights… time for fireworks! Didn’t rain today… time for fireworks!

Summer is always such a wonderful and happy time growing up. No school. All that freedom. That’s what we’re all about. Freedom. And summer is the ideal time to be free. So many wonderful things to do, eat and see.

But we cannot forget those who make this all possible. The brave fighting men and women of the armed forces who risk their lives every day to preserve the freedom we cherish so dearly. Thank you so very much ladies and gentlemen of the military!

Thank you for defending my right to watch Hell’s Kitchen and Iron Chef America. Thank you for preserving my right to eat tofu and hummus. Thank you for the CW and for Showtime and for Fox Television. But not for Fox News. They totally suck.

Awesome America

What’s awesome about America is how proud we are of our collective dysfunction. We are unapologetically daft. America does crazy the same way we do everything else. Loud and proud. Perhaps a little bit prouder than those other things I sometimes think.

How do Americans eat? We eat big. We eat huge. Giant flavor. Lots of fat. Gargantuan portions. Tons of sugar and salt. How do Americans drive? We drive huge SUV’s and expensive sports cars and pick up trucks big enough to house several Chinese families. How do Americans do religion? We are fanatical. We obsess over Jesus and purity and righteousness. We naturally assume our religions is the right one and proceed to condemn all others. How do Americans do sex? Eh, we’re not so good at that. It’s genetic. We have small penises and watch a lot of porn. But that’s a big secret. On the surface we scorn it and call it filth. Cuz we’re Americans. We’re better than everyone else in every way.

How do Americans do guns? We love guns. They make us feel better about our small penises and less than stellar sexual prowess. Note to the rest of the world – surgical penis enlargement could be a recipe for world peace.

How do Americans do money. Oh god, we do it like a coked up, mentally handicapped whore. Money is the only thing we love more than we love ourselves and America. Well, that and bacon. We really love bacon. And money. And pork.

Brave New World

The movie side effects was kind of an eye opener for me. The overall plot kinda reminded me too much of Primal Fear. That movie stunned me back in the day. Because of that, Side Effects did not. It did however illuminate an interesting trend in western civilization.

If you’re not shiny, happy and perfect the medical and pharmaceutical industry is all too happy to dose you up until to fit into that neat little prison of normal people. It totally made me think of the book Brave New World. That was how they kept all the people in line. They drugged them with Soma. And if for some reason or another, you managed to escape the drug or it otherwise didn’t work on you, you were dubbed a savage and exiled.

That’s the society we’ve created in America. A brave new world of drugged clones and robots. If you don’t fit our ideal of how a person should be then we’ll fix you with our medicine. If you don’t want to be fixed with our wonderful medicines then you will be shunned by society. No one will be your friend. No one will hire you to work for them. And you’ll generally be looked down upon and unwanted.

We’ve let the pharmaceutical industry all but take over the world. Them and oil and credit card companies. We’re not a free country anyymore. We haven’t been for quite some time now.

Just a bunch of zombies and slaves. If only it were just a book or a movie. Then a hero might come along and save us. But this is real life. No happy endings permitted.